3. "Just sit there and be quiet, for a change."
Victim: Sean Elliott
Although Gregg Popovich played a huge role in the Big Three having their jerseys retired in San Antonio, he didn't always have patience even at their ceremonies. During Tony Parker's jersey retirement in 2019, Pop showed Sean Elliott just how curmudgeonly he can be.
"He'll talk all damn night long," said Pop after Sean kicked off the night. "And everything he's going to say, we're all going to say it. So just sit there and be quiet, for a change."
4. "Timmy's 'special', so he had to have carrot cake."
Victim: Tim Duncan
Alright, so this one isn't really that much of a roast, but it's just too great of a story to leave off. At Tim Duncan's jersey retirement ceremony, Coach Popovich told the tale of taking his superstar some carrot cake once upon a time. Unfortunately for him, Tim got used to the ritual.
"I had to do this for 20 YEARS!" exclaimed Pop. "David and Bruce never bothered me that way. Sean didn't bother me that way. But Timmy's special, so he had to have carrot cake."
5. "Don't you just get two questions?"
Victim: Charles Barkley
Charles Barkley mostly does his commentary from the Inside the NBA studios, but the crew couldn't resist putting him in the line of fire once to interview Coach Popovich in-game. Coach Pop famously has hated the in-game interview, and he didn't let Barkley's limited sideline reporter experience keep him from being himself.
"That's the third question, isn't it?" responded Popovich. "Don't you just get two?" Sheepishly walking away, all Charles could do was say, "my bad."